How To Start A Difficult Conversation

How often do you wonder what the true intent was after a conversation is over?

It is easy to avoid difficult conversations when the reality is far easier than all of your anticipation and pre-thinking. 

If you start by stating your intention, it sets the right expectations for everyone involved.

Here are a few examples I have advised executives on lately, I call these Words That Just Work (WTJW):

An executive wondering why the previously promised VP promotion hasn’t happened yet:

“I would love a conversation about what I need to do, or demonstrate that will improve the probability of me becoming Vice President. When is a good time to have that conversation?”

Results:
Their boss was able to articulate that it wasn’t about the results they were achieving, but about the visibility of those results to people that mattered. That is what the executive is now working on to improve the probability that he will be promoted.

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A Marketing executive who was trying to help a Technology peer of his on an initiative that would save the company a significant amount of money:

“It occurred to me that in my effort to help out, I may have come across as overbearing and getting too involved in your function, is that how I have come across to you? My intention here is to identify opportunities for us as a company to save money so that we can reinvest it. How can I best help you with that?"

Results:
These two executives now have a new level of transparency and candid conversations and are working together closer than ever to identify how to tap into each other’s expertise for the greater benefit of the company.

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I used to work with a regional leader who would regularly ask his peers about their regions. He barraged them with questions about their business, their sales, and their growth plans. He frustrated everyone he met because they thought his questions meant he doubted their ability to deliver on their quarterly projections and was acting superior. When I spoke with him about it, he told me he had heard that their regions were outperforming his own and he wanted to learn why they were so successful. I told him he needed to share the intention behind his questions because his questioning style was putting people off and confusing them. At the next meeting he said:

“My questions are because I want to know how you are so successful and my regions are lagging behind"

Results:
Once he did this, his interactions were far more productive and his peers began volunteering more information and became more open to sharing ideas with him. 

I call this Crystal Clear Communication, crossed wires happen when you don't share your thoughts or intentions. You can download the Crystal Clear Communication Guide here.

Might others doubt your intention, which is clouding your ability to be curious?