Stop being so defensive!
“Your response leaves me even more frustrated than the initial error!”
That’s the sort of thing you’ll hear if you haven’t developed the art of receiving feedback.
How you respond to feedback can either escalate or de-escalate an issue. As I was writing about this in my latest book Rapid Growth, Done Right, one of my clients emailed me a thread in which he was apoplectic about the response he got from one of his executive peers. “Val, I am not being defensive, but look at his reply.”
Here’s a secret I have learned: Whenever anyone starts a sentence with “I am not being defensive but…” there is a high probability that they are about to get defensive. As I read the thread he forwarded, it was clear that he was in fact being defensive. He went into incredible detail about why the concerns that his peer had raised were not valid, explained why those concerns hadn’t been caught by the CEO who had already approved it, and made factually incorrect statements. Most importantly, he had broken the three rules for receiving feedback:
Pick up the phone. Nothing contentious can be satisfactorily solved via email alone. First, take your emotional temperature. If you are furious, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed or ready to explode, step away from the keyboard and phone. Prepare what you want to say and then pick up the phone.
Show appreciation for their feedback. Say thank you to the person giving feedback for taking the time to do so, even if you don’t like or agree with what they said.
Stay curious. Ask questions so you fully understand why they are giving you the feedback and how it translates across the creative, technical and business impact.
Most feedback fails because the recipient does not receive it, hear it, absorb it, reflect on it and then decide what action is needed as a result. If you fail to go through all of those steps when you receive feedback, the most dangerous thing starts to happen – people stop giving you feedback.
How you give and respond to feedback can either make or break a relationship. I have worked with leaders who harbor grudges over seemingly minor issues, tainting productivity for years to come.
Dedicated to growing your business,
Val
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How To Tell If You Are Getting The Space You Need To Be Happy
I have loved going to my dentist in the last few weeks, yes, all four visits for a root canal. Only last weekend did I discover why. I was enjoying the space and quiet in that dentist chair because I hadn’t been getting enough alone time to myself.
A time where no-one was asking me for something, expecting me to solve a 5th-grade math equation, or playing text tag with my husband about who is on lunch duty to get lunch prepared in the 30m window when everyone is off their school and work video calls.
I love that I can do my work from my home office and that my talks, workshops, and advisory work can still happen remotely, but those quiet rides to the airport, hotel stays, and travel are my thinking and creating time.
I am grateful that we are all healthy, but taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health.
I am lucky that both I and my husband can work from home while our three girls do virtual school, but, let’s be honest, it just isn’t natural to spend THIS much time with those you love.
Here’s what has worked for me:
I have started waking up earlier and going for walks in the dark before everyone wakes up.
I booked my favorite CrossFit coach to meet me in my back garden twice a week for socially distanced personal training sessions.
I’ve been telling my family “I need some space” and going to sleep earlier.
I went to the dentist again today and I didn’t feel quite so deliriously happy to be there. It was still pleasant, but maybe it is because I am getting more of the space I need right now.
I am curious to hear if you feel you are getting the space you need? – do you need to take the dentist chair test?!
Dedicated to growing your business,
Val
P.S. I hope you enjoyed this week's VAL-uable Insights, sign up here to get them in your inbox each Monday morning: http://valwrightconsulting.com/newsletter-sign-up/
How To Quickly Use Fewer Words For Greater Results
If a CMO of a complex global $10 billion-plus company can write their strategy on one page, why can’t you? One of the executives I am working with created a paper placemat for her CEO to review her new strategy. All on one page. It enabled her to get her new three-year plan approved in record time, and allowed the executive team to consume her new strategy at the right level without getting lost in the details.
She did it by using the following Executive Team Communication Rules.
Ten rules for communicating to your executive team and board:
Start with the headline first. Your audience will ask you for the detail they need next.
Do not use a 125-page deck to convey your message.
Speak at the right altitude for your audience.
Provide your point of recommendation, not your endless debate.
Be clear on the intent of your conversation and state it to prevent crossed wires.
Don’t use a paragraph when a sentence will do.
Don’t use a sentence when one word will do.
Don’t use a word when silence will do.
Preview key recommendations one-to-one before communicating topics of importance.
Recap and summarize what will happen next before the meeting ends.
If you follow these guidelines you will not just improve your influence at the executive level, you will also improve your ability to deliver an impactful presentation.
You can find more communication and influence tips in my book Rapid Growth Done Right here.
Dedicated to growing your business,
Val
P.S. I hope you enjoyed this week's VAL-uable Insights, sign up here to get them in your inbox each Monday morning: http://valwrightconsulting.com/newsletter-sign-up/