From Wishful Thinking To The Life You Want

Are you living the life you always dreamed of?

My favorite childhood memory is of long summers with my brother, sister, and mum spent on the beach in a quaint seaside resort, Weston-super-Mare, in England. My mum had a job that allowed her to take summers off, and she spent them with my sister, my brother, and me on the beach. That memory is what I wanted to create for my three daughters—a life that would allow me to mold my time throughout the year and still have impact with businesses and executives. I knew I wasn’t going to get that in corporate life, and so I had to make some changes.

I was at a restaurant in Seattle, with two of my friends, and I said, “By the time I am 40, I am going to have my own business and have written my own book,” Then I said. “That’s the first time I’ve ever said that aloud. I’m now really scared. Please get me a glass of wine!” This was more than wishful thinking; it was intentional wishful thinking. To make it happen, I had to make a plan. I thought of it as my crawl-walk-run plan, which included a job change after nine years at Microsoft to obtain different experience in Amazon’s Fashion business, before the big leap to my own consulting business. I had to follow through—I had told my friends, who were holding me accountable!

On my journey to creating my own intentional wishful thinking, the most common reaction I received, and still receive, from others started with two words—“I wish. . .”:

. . .I wish I could do what you have done.
. . .I wish I had your energy.
. . .I wish I could quit my job.

It’s not enough to wish. You’ve got to intentionally wish, then you’ve got to plan, and then you’ve got to do.

What is your intentional wishful thinking? What is the life that you want to create? I frequently ask business leaders to time travel ahead five years: What do you want life to look like? What do you want your business to look like? Set aside some time over the next week to think about these questions. After that, it may be time to create your own intentional wishful thinking plan. I’d love to hear what you come up with. 

Dedicated to growing your business,

Val

How To Give Feedback That Will Make A Difference

You know when there is something you really need to tell someone but you hold back and decide not to tell them?

You know when you have those imaginary conversations in your head with people that never translates to a real life conversation?

You know when you want to share feedback, but you are concerned for how someone will react?

All of this builds up inside you and the longer you leave it the harder it is to give it. 

In our house we have a phrase of when we are on the verge of losing our cool (yes, with three girls aged 8, 8, and 10 it happens!) When we are close to losing control we say “I’m going to go pop!” Usually this is enough of a warning for us to find a way to cool down before resolving what ever issue caused our blood to boil.

Giving feedback can be a similar high pressure situation, just like an over inflated balloon, you might go POP or cause someone else to go POP because of how or when you give them feedback.

I’ve created the POP Feedback Guide as a way to take the pressure out of any feedback opportunity by breaking down the real point of your feedback.

Consider someone you want to give feedback to. Deconstruct exactly what is the issue and gather your thoughts using the POP Feedback Guide

P - Process - is this an issue with processes? - are they not documented, unclear, or are they in place but not being adhered to?

O - Organization - is this an organization issue? - is there confusion or disagreement about who owns what?

P - Personal - do you have examples of observed behavior that indicates an individual may not be interacting with you productively or professionally? 

Once you have broken down in your own head which are Process, Organizational, or Personal issues to address, don’t just go barreling in and start the conversation, follow these four steps to improve the probability of a helpful conversation:

1. Time it right: Ask if now is a good time or suggest a different time. 

2. Share your intention: Explain what your intent is for sharing the feedback so the recipient can understand what you want from the conversation. 

3. Don’t sandwich it: Despite common advice, do not start and end with a positive and put the difficult message in the middle. It just distracts your message and makes the positive comments seem insincere. Just get to the point. 

4. Offer to reciprocate: Don’t just give feedback, express your willingness to receive it too. 

This approach has solved hundreds of disagreements, miscommunication, and crossed wires. Try it and let me know how it goes!

Dedicated to growing your business,

Val

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Increase Your Energy By Setting Your Social Life On Autopilot

Have you ever realized that it has been months since you saw your favorite friends? Or that a week has gone by without a real conversation with your partner? One of the greatest challenges of a successful executive’s social life is the logistics and prioritization.
 
When our twins arrived and our oldest daughter wasn’t quite two years old, my husband and I knew we needed to take ruthless action to save our sanity. Parents of multiples find it is easy to lose touch with their friends just when they need them the most. Ongoing work deadlines can have the same effect.
 
My three daughters have taught me to put my social life on autopilot. I did this with a close group of friends. We decided to meet for dinner the first Monday of every month; whoever could make it that night would show up. We picked the venue for the following month at the end of each dinner. It required zero planning or follow-up e-mails and the reward was a regular evening out with friends that energize me and make me laugh until I cry.
 
I hear phrases like this from busy executives all the time: “I owe my partner.” “I need to pay him [or her] back for the last six months of my crazy work schedule.” “My partner isn’t happy with how much time I spend at work.”
 
It’s okay to need some alone time with your partner. It’s okay for your partner to need that from you. There. I have said it. I love my kids, and I also love my husband. Sometimes our conversations revolve solely around tasks, schedules, chores, and parenting. That can frankly be monotonous and no fun. We now prioritize date nights once a month and date weekends twice a year.
 
It is easy to allow business and life commitments to take over everything. Rather than sitting back and letting that happen, consider how you can schedule your social and personal time as efficiently as you schedule your work commitments.
 
Who do you wish you could put on autopilot to see today?
 
Dedicated to growing your business,

Val